I originally shared this post almost one year ago. I could write it word for word again today. Because sometimes healing doesn’t come in our timing. Sometimes human love just isn’t enough to break the chains of a broken past. Sometimes watching that is just as crushing as being the one who endured it. Parenting children with a past deep in rejection, abandonment, neglect, and dealing with things a child should never have to, is hard.
What I have learned in the last year is that no matter how hard I try or want them to push through their pain…I can’t make them do it. It is their choice and until they decide it is time to let that go, the pain of their past rules their present. Join me in praying for every child who has dealt with things in this life no child ever should. Pray for their healing and that they would chose to walk in the love of their heavenly Father who has brought them out from under to have VICTORY above it all.
Most of my life I protected myself from being too vulnerable in any relationship. I built up walls that no one could climb over, or break through. It wasn’t until I was faced with having to resist God’s love that I truly began to understand, vulnerability in the hands of The Giver of life was worth my complete surrender. To this day I’m still grasping that I must fully open myself up to His love, so that I can know love, to share love. I continue to learn what it can do to the depth of your heart and soul. One must become vulnerable at its very core to truly experience the beauty of God’s love…nothing pierces the soul and heart like His love. Nothing.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
For adopted children letting love in can be very hard, painful, and even the last thing they desire. Because of that they will struggle with lying, stealing, and hording. A friend share an excerpt from this post with our prayer group yesterday:
Lying or Stealing and Hoarding - Lying is a way of saying, "You can't know me. I'm not going to tell you the truth about who I am because if I do, I've let you in. I will live in a world I can control because I'm the one in charge of what's true and false." Children will even lie about crazy things ... like denying they took a whole roll of toilet paper and attempted to flush it down the toilet when the evidence is right there.
Stealing comes from a child's belief that no one can meet his needs but him. It takes trust and vulnerability to ask for what he wants and needs from his adoptive parents. Instead, an adopted child may simply take it. Stealing can be a behavior that also satisfies a child's desperate need for control over others.
Read the entire post if you are an adoptive parent or considering adoption. Actually read it if you are parent with a child who struggles with attachment, behavioral issues, etc.
I shared the following quote a few weeks ago,
What I just realized yesterday is this, to understand why a hurt child will lie you must turn the quote around, “The worst thing about lying, is you don’t feel worthy of the truth.”
I see this in our children who struggle with telling the truth. They lie for so many reasons. All people do. To either avoid the consequence, or for attention. We do things to avoid pain or for pleasure. Some get pleasure while experiencing the pain of their choice too. Which doesn’t make sense to the person who is able to make rational choices. But that is a post for another day.
My prayer for each of us, is that through our actions, our children will see that the truth is always worth it. Even when they must reap the pain of what they chose to sow. That we raise children who understand being accountable and responsible for the things they say and do. It is our hope that our children who have been hurt in this life, will one day know they are worth more than their past, and don’t have to continue to hurt themselves and others to get that void inside of them filled. The only way to get that void filled up is by seeking God and His immense love for them.
But that takes vulnerability. A risk they are not willing to take. Walls built so high and strong, that they don’t believe God is able to get through them. They believe the lie and need to know the truth. Because only the truth will set them free.
These truths are what set us free from the inside to fully LIVE…
Today, I’m praying for wisdom to know how to share the truth in ways they will accept it deep in their hearts. Praying to be that much more vulnerable with them and God. Handing over my worries and dreams for them, knowing God will take care of all of us, perfectly!
What walls do you have up in your life? What areas in your life do you still not trust God to handle and take perfect care of? What is holding you back from being vulnerable with the One who is has your life in His hands at this very moment? The One who woke you up today and is filling you with life every second. The One who gave up His life so that you could live – more abundantly, in peace, with joy and hope, and filled to overflowing with grace and mercy, and covered by His love.
Open yourself up to His healing and allow His love to wash away every fear you have of being completely vulnerable with Him. In Him you can trust all of your heart, mind, body and soul. He is faithful.