Friday, April 12, 2013

Winds of Change Are Blowing Me South

Today, I was going to share photos of our {leased} sweet horse Dolly and our daughter who loves to ride her. 

I don’t think you will mind if I take this time to share our new journey just a bit differently.  I promise to share many photos next week. 

After a pretty intimate and intense week of sharing my deepest heart here with you, let me begin this post with an awesome quote…

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Back in December my husband mentioned he was looking at buying another business.   But instead of the business being back in PA where we moved from just two years ago, it was located in VA Beach.   All I heard was “BEACH” and he lost me.

My mind wandered to me strolling on the beach every single day, with the wind blowing in my hair and the sounds of the ocean all around me.   I could barely focus on what he was saying.   Because you see my truest desire for the last 10 years or so has been to live on or very close to the beach.  

Try to stay with me for a minute, while you imagine this hilarious truth…

Immediately my mind raced to the next thought – wait a minute, he never even mentioned me, us, or the kids.   Hold up, this can’t be.   Can he really make this work for us as a couple?  What about the children?  How much will he travel?  How long will he have to travel for?   If we don’t move, then I will be raising the kids basically by myself.  

He could see the glazed look coming across my face and the stain of anxiety running down my cheeks and neck. 

With a tenderness that I need during these initial moments of HUGE changes, he spoke to the scared little girl inside of me.

“We can move”, he said. 

Trying with all that I am to remain calm and focus on his last words.

My body fought my mind as it always does and I began to feel the race beginning inside me.  Off to the finish line we must GO!

Deep breath.

OK, is moving really an option?

NO WAY!   Eight children needing a new school.  One with very specific challenges and no school being nearly as amazing to help this child on their learning journey.  

Done, we are not moving.  We both agreed for all of the children we will stay.   Especially our one who needs the most hand holding with their education.

Months go by and I slowly forget about the reality of the new business changing our lives.

Like a brick wall right in front of your car and your brakes forgetting what they are meant to do…he calls me into his office to say the deal will be closing in about two weeks.

“OK, body relax and mind catch up!”

Unlike my amazing husband who lives for the high risks in business, I’m all about consistency, stability, and a tad bit of control of my future.    Why?  Because it makes me feel safe and safety is a good thing to a woman who lives with PTSD.

Again, he could see that the closing of the deal negotiating was taking its toll on me and he stopped sharing the drama he lived with day to day.

But inside the unknown was even more scary than facing the reality of his new journey traveling without us week after week for months.

I tried really hard to wait for him to share how the day progressed each night after the kids were tucked into bed.

In my mind moving was still not on the table.

That is until a few days before the deal actually closed.

I felt this intense need to share how I felt about all the changes that were about to take place once he was no longer around on a daily basis.   Unlike many amazing military wives in this country, I’m not made to be without my man.   I can’t do it.  I’m totally OK admitting that too.  We are a team.  We parent together.  We lean on each other.  We love each other.  I find great comfort in knowing he is home.   Obviously so do our children.

As I began to share all that was beginning to get bottled up, excitement started to pour out of me.   The idea of moving to the BEACH was bringing me peace and joy! 

Just like that, he did what he always does, took action to make me happy.   If there is a way he can do it, then he does it – very well I might add!!!!  And quickly…to put this all into perspective for you:

  • March 19 he looked at the houses
  • March 27 he closed the business deal
  • March 30 I flew down to see the house and the surrounding areas
  • April 3 home inspection was done and our offer to buy the house complete
  • We will be moving the week after our children finish out the school year.   Yes, that means I only have 8 weeks to be fully ready for our move.

He contacted the agent that sold us our home 2 yrs. ago and she found us the perfect agent in VA Beach.  We were on line on and off all day looking at houses that would work for our size family and not too far from the beach.   The crazy thing is there were only six homes to choose from.   But then again, only ONE has to work.   Two days later my husband had to drive down to VA Beach to work out some details before the business deal closed and he went to see all six houses.   He knew within minutes of four of them they were not for us.   Two of them would work, and he was going to let me pick which one since I’m home every day.   I went back on line as he walked through the final house to see it and without any hesitation knew it was not the right house.  He was shocked.  He really thought I was going to pick the newer home in the newer neighborhood.  NOPE!  I quickly found out that my heart is still in the country and you can’t fully take it out of me.   I need trees and quiet.   Which the other house offered in a much older neighborhood only 8 miles from the beach.   The homes on our street are all about 50 year old with mature trees all around them.  

The next week, my husband flew me down to see the house to be sure I really was ok with the neighborhood and house.  I was definitely OK knowing with a little TLC and my love for redoing a home simply by adding new colors it would feel like home – yep, I was definitely excited to live there.  Our home sits on the end of the cul-de-sac right on the water.  Which means this girl will be WATER SKIING AGAIN!!!!!  WAHOOOO!!!!!!  Prayers appreciated for me to NOT forget I’m NOT 20 anymore and quite ready to do this….

That’s right I’m moving on permanent VACATION!   We will be living exactly where my doctor said would be best for my healing journey 10 years ago.    Now if that isn’t cool, I don’t know what is.

But I’m not fooled into thinking that moving to the beach will be an instant cure for me and all the healing I still have to get through.   I know that God is moving some BIG mountains in my life right now and this move is part of the blessing as I continue to walk with Him and NOT away from Him.   It has been VERY hard to remain faithful the last 8.5 yrs. as I have begged God to help me feel “normal” every day and to take this burden from me.   Well, if He isn’t going to take it away, then I will be thrilled to find peace in my surroundings, knowing I personally feel closest to Him right on the beach!

The last two weeks I spent hours purging the entire house.  We have cleaned out every closet and even the garage has been thoroughly cleaned out.  Now all I have do to is pack, pack, pack, and pack some more.  Which I’m starting today!  Everything not being used will be packed this weekend!   One day I will take the time to write an entire post or two on my crazy organization skills that always make moving much smoother.   I use labels on every box stating what room it goes into (every room is color coded too) and the contents, which is put into a notebook that never leaves my side until every box is unpacked in the new house and accounted for.   Every box has a number written on it and that helps me keep track of them so that when the movers are doing their final count, I am easily able to check my list against theirs.   Time is money and I don’t like wasting either!   I don’t let the kids pack unless it is their clothes and toys.  Otherwise they make my job a nightmare.  No time for that either. 

So while I’m preparing our home for being put onto the market in the next two weeks, I will be repeating the following quote in my mind a million times.   Moving is by far one of my least favorite things to do and every time we move my husband says, “we are NEVER moving again.”   But here we are two years later.  Just like the last house two years there and same with the house before that.   This time I have forewarned him, if we are moving again it is only going to be further south or closer to the beach.   Once I’m there I am NEVER leaving.   That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

 

Here are a few photos of what I have to look forward to on a daily basis – the view from almost every room in our home:

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An entire row of these are along the fence near the front door – pray for them now!!!  I am known to kill things this pretty without even intending to do it Sad smile  I will need serious hand holding this fall when I start our very first garden! 

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And this my friends is where I will be spending the majority of my time.  Just me, my camera, and a journal.   Who wants to join me?

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This next quote is in honor of my husband who spent our first year living in VA studying philosophy for his PhD. 

When he dropped out of the PhD program to focus 100% on his business I knew that our lives would never be the same again.  I had no idea the changes coming would look like this…

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I continue to be amazed at how fast things change in our lives.   When an opportunity is placed before us and we agree to do it, life seems to run on warp speed.   This time I don’t feel like I’m chasing after it.   I am more ready than ever before to move and begin a new journey as a family.   I have my mind and heart focused on two things – being together with my beloved and living only 8 miles from the beach.   Can you blame me?

Just in case you are wondering, the children are focused on the same two things and begging me to move us sooner.  They trust we will find the perfect school for all of them, a new horse barn to ride at, and they can’t wait to make new friends!  

I truly believe that everything I have endured over the last eight years since we began our adoption journey and the many trials along the way; were all preparation for our family to finally find our home and healing place.   My husband thinks this is going to be the best place for all of us and I couldn’t agree more!

Thank you for joining me this week and allowing me to share my healing journey with you!  I feel so humbled and honored to walk this out with each of you! 

Wishing you all a blessed weekend. 

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7 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness! As I was reading, I had to laugh at the difference between you and Scott. I can identify totally. My husband is the one who loves risk and new things. I crave stability.

    But how exciting for you and your family! I cannot even imagine moving again with all the kids. I had a hard time moving just Greg and me. :)

    To live by the water would be a dream. It is like a permanent vacation. I grew up across the street from the water and I'm so far from that now living in the desert. I look forward to your photos and know that your house will become a home as you put your special touches and warmth there. I wish you many years of love and life in your new home.

    Love you,
    Debbie

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  2. Jill your heart sounds so happy!!!! I am so privileged that you shared this with me and I have enjoyed our chats about it!! (Hello Houzz and navy cabinets lol!) You know I've just been thru the same situation (albeit with 1/3 of the people)... so I've got you covered in prayer! You are heading to PARADISE! I'm praying this is the perfect location for your continued healing!

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  3. Jill I just started following your blog very recently but every single post touches my heart and soul. I look forward to your posts because I identify so strongly with your journey. Thank you new friend and I know the Lord has brought this new journey to you and will see you through the next difficult weeks as you prepare to move.

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  4. Jill, this sounds so awesome! I love how you share so transparently! I will be praying for your family as you begin this new journey. Happy packing! So excited for you and how you embrace change although it is difficult!
    Dawn

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  5. Oh, Jill, I'm so happy for you! I'm right there with you, understanding so much of what you say. As I look at the photos of your new community, it reminds me of my time in California, and while I wasn't anywheres near the beach, it still felt like it. And what I wouldn't do to be there again! I've felt like I'm stagnating at times, and while I'm content where I am, I think about where I would like to be - figuratively and physically - and I'm scared of the changes that it might mean. Your story today gives me hope and courage that my dreams can also come true. Thank you, and God bless you and hold you close as you go through this stressful moving time. (((hugs)))

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  6. That's a beautiful area, Jill, and I'm excited for you. I'm praying that you experience all sorts of healing down there!

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  7. AWESOME God story in your life Jill. I am so happy for you. What a beautiful place!!!!

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