It’s not a new word for me. I’ve claimed it several times before. But this is my year to live it, own it, and feel safe with it! I want to walk boldly through the dark and into His light without knowing what is ahead. Trusting in Him every step of the way.
Here is why I struggle with this word…
My entire life is filled with torn and broken trust. Too many times to count. I’m not sharing this for anyone to feel sorry for me. I’m sharing this to hopefully encourage anyone who reads this post to take a closer look at what comes with trust when put in the right place (person). For me that is in the trinity: God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.
Let’s just say that looking at the following photos and the thought of me doing them has my hands sweating. I’m not a huge risk taker and heights are not my thing. I like my feet planted safely on the ground.
Now that we have that established, let’s continue.
I imagine having complete trust in God to give me the courage to do this without being tied to any rope…
and even something as crazy as this…
Her face is pretty much how I feel right now just looking at that photo and what it would take to get me to do that in this life!
Take a second look at the photo as if it is God’s hand and He is asking you to take a hold of it.
Sadly, my sense of trust was broken at a very early age. My father divorced my mom at the age of 3 and was never dependable from that point on. My mom worked crazy hours and didn’t enter into a solid relationship until I was almost 14 years old. I spent many years alone after school. I struggled to feel safe in my home, where every child should have a sense of safety. Many other situations happened over my lifetime that told me trusting in anyone but myself was not a good idea.
Which has caused me to stumble so many times in my faith walk with God. He has proven Himself so faithful and yet, I don’t fully trust Him.
Fast forward to 2005 when I said, “Yes” to Christ and was baptized, a verse was shared with me months before that moment…
That sums everything up perfectly. Right?
I have held onto and claimed this verse so many times over the last ten years, and yet here I am today having to choose it once more. But this time I have a much clearer and deeper understanding of why I struggle and what I need to do in order to live it out for the rest of my life.
For years my answer to God was, “yes” and “no”. I’ll trust when I feel safe trusting You. I’ll trust You when I can still sort of control the outcome. I’ll trust in You when I can handle whatever is ahead that You are leading me to.
But dare He ask me to give Him my hand and walk into unknown territory, and the answer is a hard and fast, “NO!” I whip my hand back so fast you can hear the air rushing right along with it.
Some who have walked with us through many trials over the last three years wouldn’t blame me one bit for that knee jerk reaction. Others can’t understand why I have not simply stopped trusting God all together. And there are some who have watched me walk ever so slowly with God the last two years feeling the weight of each step I take towards Him.
I have read this quote many times over the last ten years and it has hit me right in the heart today as I sat down to write this post. Because it’s not simply trusting God, it’s not being afraid of what will come when I fully trust in His plan for me.
I shared my husband and our families conversion story here last year. That began a walk with God where everything became unknown. I’m currently three months away from entering the Catholic Church. I will complete RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) a week before Easter. If you are curious what that means, then click here to learn more. A huge part of my conversion happened while watching this DVD series by Fr. Robert Barron. Again, my conversion story is right here.
There are many days after leaving Mass that I want to run home and share all the nuggets God spoke to me that day. Maybe it is a reading from our daily prayer book or the homily our priest shares, or simply the deep tugging in my heart to surrender my life and will even more to the Father. Whatever it is, sitting with it before sharing anything here has been a great lesson throughout 2014. Because I need to allow God time to work in me whatever that nugget was meant to do, before I can share it with you. That nugget for the year 2015 is to TRUST in God. Without question. No matter what.
And guess what, that scares me almost as the photos above where the girl is flying in the air with no rope and the woman climbing up a cliff reaching for the hand above her.
Isn’t that a true picture of what God is asking each of us every single day?
To simply reach out and up for His hand. To lead the way through whatever is before us and the daily choices we have to make.
He never asks us to walk it alone.
He never asks us to figure it out.
He never asks us to lead the way.
He simply asks us to walk by faith, and trust in Him.
Because He will supply the grace to not just get through each day, but to endure with peace and joy.
He uses nature to remind us that daily He will provide for us.
"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?” Matthew 6:26
He opens up His storehouse of treasures for each of us. He has the perfect plan for each of us. Not one of our journeys will look alike. Because He knows exactly the path we must travel to become the best we can be to glorify Him. Yet, it is a daily choice to trust in that path or lead the way down our own inviting Him to tag along.
But you see, God isn’t going to come on that journey. He isn’t a follower. He is The Way, The Truth, and The Life.
And if we want that life more abundantly as Jesus promises us, then we must abide in Him, obey Him, and do things His way.
Which is often uncomfortable for us. Hello pride.
As Luke 9:23-27 tells us, Jesus is asking for us to deny ourselves and pick up our cross daily and follow Him.
He isn’t concerned if we like it or not, because He knows what is best for us.
And that my friends, is what I’m going to do this year.
I’m going to open myself up, bare and totally vulnerable before God and trust Him. I’m going to stop trying to keep a tight lid on the dark places in my heart that carry the heavy burden of broken trust. I’m going to stop trying to hide the pain from myself and let it crack wide open and spill all over the place knowing that I’m 100% safe to do so…because He is enough.
He will light the way out of darkness and show Himself every faithful.
One day at a time. One choice at a time. One prayer at a time.
So welcome onto my journey of trusting God throughout this year…
What is your one word for 2015? Comment and share it so I can pray it over you!
All images found on Google.